When people apologize for something, often their first instinct is to try to explain why they did what they did. I think this is one way to process your actions to determine specifically where and how you went wrong. That's good stuff to think about, but it doesn't make for a good apology. Keep those thoughts to yourself, or save it for a later conversation after you've sat on it a while. The core of a good apology is acknowledging that you made a mistake, and how you'll do better in the future.

@TapiocaPearl hm. Hm. Personally I trust people that apologize after they have sat on the issue, rather than people who pre-emptively apologize and then think about it only to potentially change their mind or not that they did anything wrong. The latter kind of feels like prioritizing in-group harmony/comfort over being serious about what you say.

@mrjunge Sure. What I'm getting at is people who try to explain why they did what they did in their apology. It often comes off sounding more like excuses or trying to justify their actions.

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