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Are any women musicians having advice for times of self doubt?

My partner thinks about stopping music because she had really bad experiences with fellow musicians especially men affecting dramatically her self confidence.

Advice & support would be appreciated :)

Thanks ! Boost !

@LouMcField

I think a simple rational answer is "peers and mentors". In the fields dominated by man a-holes having other women as mentors and peers is the only path to change. Women teachers and other female musicians.

Set absolute boundary to mysoginy and subtle sexism. Reach out to feminist groups, festivals and organisations. Have feminist men as allies- unfortunately their word can be taken more seriously when you need to convince male colegue about his mysoginy and why it is harmful.

@LouMcField

i forgot 'role models':

Kathleen Hanna (Bikini Kill, Le Tigre), Grimes, Peaches, Amanda Palmer, even Kurt Cobain ("I like the comfort in knowing that women are the only future in rock and roll").

jezebel.com/grimes-writes-epic

@luka Yes we are massive fans of Amanda Palmer & my partner is very inspired by her as a musician.

Amanda is a really good example of a musician who doesn't have a perfect voice / playing but who knows how to reach people / the audience, which is the point of art really, connecting.

@luka Thank you so much for answering this, much appreciated in times of doubt.

@LouMcField I've found it helpful to network with other musicians who are not men.

@LouMcField It's hard not to have the support of your peers but I'd disregard the word of any peer who was rude and disrespectful to me!

It is best to do what you do and make what you make, for your own happiness and well-being as a creator.

It's value can't be set by others who don't have a connection to it as you do. If you love the work you do, continue the work you do!

@LouMcField trans woman producer here, the music scene is quite toxic and people will shit on you for the dumbest of reasons, being anything from genre to what tools you use/how you use them.

Best thing is to just do your own thing, make music for fun and yourself, not for others. Generally the people who are assholes are people who themselves have no confidence in their music, or too much confidence in something they’ve half baked.

@LouMcField music is art, and anyone that tells you that the music you made is crap are not worth your time. Of course you should still be open to constructive feedback. But feedback DOES NOT equal to being an asshole.

@Clipsey thank you for answering, much appreciated 😊😊

@LouMcField I think most if not all artists go through times of self-doubt and doubting our ability to produce something "good" (whatever that means to me). For me, it sometimes helps to step away from the particular thing I'm working on and working on something else - luckily, there are many creative outlets in music, even listening to new music can be very rewarding when I'm stuck in self-doubt. Also, talking with other people about music and art!

@LouMcField
Some musicians are a*holes, most bands breakup bc of someone's ego. It's always better to let those people go to not meddle in your life, if you can't (eg. your drummer gets on your nerves but there is no other available in your area) try to put up with it - yeah, that's a half-assed advice,but sometimes you just gotta pull through, believe in yourself and your skills;even if others (your bandmates can sometimes be total bitches) belittle you or don't give you enough credit,

@LouMcField
you know you did your best and most importantly you know your worth. If they're decent they will come around, or you'll learn to filter the minor annoyances out. If not, it's time to look elsewhere. Also it will happen to you a lot that you know you're better than some average bro but that average bro is getting more opportunities, respect, whatever, but being bitter will accomplish nothing.

@LouMcField
Just do your thing, do it to your best ability so you can be proud of it, and make that your core philosophy. Don't let some random assholes who are just passing through your life take your creativity and passion away. And on your way, you will always meet people - men and women and anybody else - who will just love what you do.

@LouMcField you're most welcome! I hope it was helpful at least in some way. being in a band or in any project heavily focused on cooperation can be really tough, but it can also be very rewarding. I hope your partner will overcome this situation and find the best solution :)

@LouMcField my roomate and her husband are musicians and she struggles with this. Her husband is more of a virtuoso, classical angsty creative and she struggles to make space for her own creativity and has fought against invalidating feedback from male musicians. She finds “the artists way” a helpful curriculum. She’s hosted groups, last one was all female artists, including me. Sometimes you can find/start Artist Way groups on Meetup.

@Mossberg thank you for your answer, it is good to know that kind of story in times of doubts :)

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