Jigme Datse Yli-Rasku @JigmeDatse@mastodon.art

I've been washing a couple of teapots (it takes time, but limited effort) this morning, and I have been doing little bits of weeding around my chamomile.

This is a good day, but right now I'm failing to work... But I don't know if it matters. I hurt too much to do any braining, and my work involves braining pretty much all the time.

Night Night...

OK, we're going to try that sleep thing. It's not terribly past bedtime. And it feels like there's a chance we didn't go past the "waking up and won't sleep" stage. Wish us luck.

It seems it's about time to check on the laundry again. Really just want to go to bed...

I was going to do laundry this morning. I was wearing the last of the "decent" stuff in one class of clothes so it made a heck of a lot of sense to just do the laundry...

Now it is 21:47 and I am just going to go down and check on the first load of the laundry. I'm going to be up for a bit.

I guess that's an OK thing, because I really want to get this laundry done. And there are more of said items on the way (though not really sure when they'll get here).

Someone is making stinky farts. I don't think it's anyone in this body. Pretty sure it is Tazzy. We just came back, and she's still making serious stinkies...

Well, maybe she'll go out soon? I don't know. Right now I want a bit of fresh air, feeling pretty toasty...

(we live here too, we're not stupid just telling you what we experience), and yes, I should stop being ableist or whatever...

Hey, I guess it's time we headed to bed. Night night everyone. We're hopefully sleeping, and maybe the pain will be better in the morning (yeah right as if that ever happens). Well whatever voices... We can dream can't we (no not most nights, it's all nightmares or nothing). Stupid voices...

Sadly the one person who I would work with, has not got the time to be able to see me. Though we talk online a bit on a fairly regular basis.

And I guess this is part of why I'm failing at being decent about some of the us versus them things that are going on here and elsewhere...

We *all* could get along... There's enough resources to provide services that everyone needs. And a lot of the things that could be provided would be cheaper than what we're doing now.

And once I said that it was not appropriate that I see the clinician who had assaulted me, I was told "he probably wants you to work through that with him."

What? He wants me to "forgive" him for assaulting me? When I was taking what little control I could of the situation and leaving (not past him in *any* way).

Or probably better, realize that he didn't do anything of the sort, and that he just wants me to be happy, and if I don't listen to him I'll never be happy.

The main problem is, well that no one understands my main problem to be honest.

I know of *one* person in the area who has a pretty damn good idea. Of course, there are likely other people, but I haven't been able to connect with them.

I have been denied service because I won't go back to the service which I got assaulted by one of the clinicians at.

Not only assaulted, but referred back to, after I had reported it.

Somewhat depressed rant, but is it depression if it's situational, and the only solutions available are not dealing at all with the situation?

I know I'm supposed to use the services that are available. The fact is there are no services which *are* available, and I have looked pretty deeply.

I guess maybe I haven't looked in the couch cushions enough, there may be enough in them to pay for someone?

The thing is, I don't think there even is anything if I could pay.

I don't even know how to offer my ass instance. I don't even know what my ass instance is, so how can I offer it. And why are you asking me for my ass instance?

I'm going to try that sleep thing. I wish the pain wasn't so high. Mind you... I think there are a few things I can do which might help get them more manageable levels. That is for tonight. Maybe I can manage to get these clothes washed tomorrow. Or maybe the next day?

last night I had a heck of a hard time sleeping. I hope that tonight is better, but I just am not figuring this sleep thing out very well.

And I keep spending far too much time thinking, and not enough just chilling. Or maybe whatever it is that would stop me from being not sleeping, or not doing whatever I really want to be doing...

The problem with that solution, is that unless it is a matter of "let's avoid this unnecessary and painful situation," this can lead to extreme isolation, and has lead to the situation I am currently in, where the only "social" stuff I am doing is online, or with my parents.

It has even meant not making appointments when I "should" be to keep on top of things, and not finding ways to address that.

Long term I know I'm going to need to find solutions.

I thought I tooted this already, but it's not showing up.

I have issues with social things on a regular basis. I'm never quite sure what to make of it. I find myself in situations where my issues with social situations often leads to significant distress for myself.

Often attempting to explain what is going on, I fail to make it clear what the problems are and this can lead to very negative outcomes.

The only thing that has "kind of worked" has been avoiding.

I have been doing minor server things this last week. Well, maybe not exactly minor, but really just putting out fires, or keeping fires from forming... Some of it has been somewhat significant (moving domains from one registrar to another) but most of it has been "this update needs to be done" and just doing that despite the fact a lot of other things also need to be done...

I wasn't sleeping, took extra pain/sleep meds (also helps with anxiety) and hung out online for a bit (bugger need to fix that certificate), but it's time to try some more sleep.