Silver Nitrate Kate @AgNo3Kate@mastodon.art

I post about chronic illness and pain without CWs on this account.

Ok, so an introduction!

I have #migraine and draw during attacks (usually during the pro- or post- drome phases). Migraine can do strange things to your brain. My body changes size and shape, I'm covered in bees, I speak or write gibberish, I can't read, I look at objects and do not understand what they are, I see kaleidoscopic colour shows, patterned objects gently undulate. I lose track of a sense of self and reality.

Drawing grounds me while my mind is fragmenting and helps put the pieces back together. I start always with simple lines, repetitive movements and patterns that gradually become something I recognize. Even if I do not recognize myself, the ritual of drawing soothes me and points a way forward.

I'm also a #scientist and I like to think that my fascination with plants (at all scales) shows up in the organic shapes and almost-repetitive patterns of my art.

I always start with #pencil and #paper because the scratchy smooth resistance of graphite across the page is part of the sensory centring drawing provides me. I transfer the original pencil to #ink because I like the stronger contrast and I love to redo a drawing and see something different.

Here's the original pencil for "Crone," a drawing of a very old lady with very tall hair. When I redrew it I saw a volcano.

I'm very grateful my province could get me in for an MRI on short notice, but 3 am is a terrible time to be in a hospital.

I had hardly any pain today! I still couldn't think very clearly and was a bit of a scrambled egg salad, but I think this week of migraines is done.

how many migraines does it take to erase me

Another day, another migraine

I was hoping to get a little work done this week and spend some time in the evening drawing.

but I've just had migraines, too bad even to draw.

I am sad and frustrated. And lonely! Migraines are so lonely!

the combination of extraordinary light sensitivity and vertigo that gets worse when I close my eyes is uniquely terrible.

Combined with the blasting music and assholes revving their fancy engines outside, I'm basically in a nightmare.

#migraine

I need a day without a migraine real soon.

Yep it's 3am and I'm awake with a migraine. I guess the early bird really does get (eaten by) the worm (from Dune).

I really need to clean up the huge mess I made today, but I'm actually just sitting here with a bundle of packaging and recycling on my lap wondering if I'm gonna puke.

Did I mention I really don't like #migraine?

I really hate migraine

So sound sensitive this morning I snapped at my poor partner for rinsing his dishes.

Time for relpax and bed. Maybe later will be better.

I had to cancel an important meeting tomorrow because I'm not going to be well enough to go out tomorrow and I've been to sick to prepare for it.

Chronic migraine is so frustrating.

Today I couldn't work because yesterday's migraine left me unable to think clearly. So I decorated a shelf I found on Craigslist with pictures from an old calendar.

I think it turned out pretty great 😌

Urrrrg I got the generic version of relpax by accident this time and tried it again last night and it was even worse than I remembered. 5x the side effects and none of the cure. I am so fucked for my meeting tomorrow.

Also, the generic is $14/pill instead of $20/pill so what is even the point.

I don't understand why I'm so sick to my stomach. 🤢😢

I'm really into my work right now, but I'm getting a migraine. Need to stop before I fuck things up.

Sometimes a migraine is like the ocean, ebbing and flowing in intensity, but constantly there.

That is how it's been since Sunday. I've taken triptans twice and am loath to take them again. I ration them because they are expensive and increase susceptibility to attacks.

Last night was difficult, but today the tide was so far out I managed some simple work.

Bedtime now and hope to wake tomorrow with no pain at all.